I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
11th of September is considered 9/11 in America, The twin towers, fell on 9/11 in 2001, But to call an emergency in America you dial 911! 😮 You could say they dialled that correctly
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Ok so one time a deaf kid got in to a car accident but he didnt herd in on the new
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire? Cuz he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the materinity ward was put on lockdown
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am
The 911 people really dint scramble fast enough so they got folded like and omelet
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids when he came out the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire , they called him hot wheels
Paralyzed Man: * gets up * I’m out of here
Blind Man : Did that paralyzed man just get up
Deaf Man : did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up
Mute Man: did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up
Dead Man: did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say didt that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up
Doctor: * calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency
Doctor: yes uh, a “normal” person just said taht did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up
911 service: * hangs up*
911 what's your emergency burning in toaster toast? yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast set fir to my forest
My bother apparently has this thing called "asthma", anyways I took his vape away today and he was lying on the floor gasping for air lol. He must really be addicted to it.
Obama, Trump and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children! Trump Screw the women and children! Clinton: Do you think we have time...?
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
