So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
911 jokes usually go over my head.
Then it hits me.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
I hate when people make 9/11 jokes, I'm just blown away.
I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Fastest story readers are 911 victims
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Every 911 joke isn't that good.
Well, at least not until they come crashing down.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
What's it called when an orphan calls 911?
Operator: Hello, is your family okay?
Orphan: I'm an orphan.
Operator: *bruh*
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
