Education jokes

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.

What is yellow and does not float well?

A school bus.

How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?

You octoply, obviously.

How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!

What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?

Duhhuuughhhr.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Asian Grading scale: A- Average.

B- Half Average.

C- Stupid idiot!

D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!

F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!

Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

Why is 3 such a helpful number? Because 3 helped out on a science project 4 5!

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?

Dumb kid: The W???

School would be a lot different if the quiet kid had an RPG.

Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?

A parent's signature was required.

What did the koala do when he was too educated?

He ran away from koalapidia.