Dying jokes
What died on 9/11? 2,996 people.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”