Dying jokes
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
I'm logging out.
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Guess why Stephen died?? Because his wife forgot to put him on charge at night.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
Die.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.