Downing jokes
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.
Little Johnny stooped down to lick my balls and deep dick my throbbing knob.
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
How hot do pistons burn?
Hot enough to burn your house down.