DoS jokes

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.

What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.

What do you call a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.

Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!

BOOMSHACKALATA!

What do boobs and toys have in common?

Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.

Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.

What do you call a person who smokes?

Smokey the Bear.

What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.

What do sheep hate?

Their enemies: goats!

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Do I sit broken-hearted?

I came to sh*t and only farted.

If we get this to 1000 dislikes, I will do TWO joking keggars on Halloween.

So what are you waiting for? Hit the button, idiot.