Dont

Dont jokes

Word

    • Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.

    Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

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    • Insult

    • I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

    I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

    I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

    Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.

    You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

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    • Teacher

    • A note for My arts/health teacher:

    oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

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    • Sign

    • I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

    Rap

    • I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

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    • Sensei

    • Boss: Can I do a reference check?

    Me: I don’t have a...

    *sensei appears*

    Me: oh no

    Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

    Boss: What's kiz...

    Sensei:😈

    Me: Oh no, here we go.

    Sensei: Kizma AS-

    Insult

    • 1, 2 look at your shoes.

    3, 4 they look better than yours.

    5, 6 you have no friends.

    7, 8 you look like a ape.

    9, 10 don't you like men?

    11, 12 hell naw I like females.

    Guy

    • Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can do.

    🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵

    Suicide

    • Btw friend here also wants to do suicide.

    Friend: Why did I cross the road? Me: To get to the other side. Friend: True!

    Friend: Hey let's go hang out at the forest today! Me: Ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* Friend: Hey at least we did it!

    Friend: What's the best thing about me? Me: You will eventually end. Friend: Hmmmmmm . . . true!

    Friend: What historical time influenced you the most? Me: The great depression.

    If I could be an object I'd be glass because I'm see-through and I can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!

    My parents sometimes say I'm their sunshine! . . . because I'm painful if you look at me.

    Teacher: What does km/s mean? Me+like almost all of the class: *in unison* It means kill myself but misspelled.

    Friend: What's the best way to end a game? Me: With death. Friend: . . . Hmmm now that you think about it yeah! That's the best way!

    When you're about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you can't litter there.

    Google says that you're about 75% water but I'm made of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress.

    Brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more.

    How do you keep weeds away? Just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. Problem solved.

    When you take antidepressants but they don't work it will just make you more depressed and that's a fact.

    A bored depressed suicidal person: *sees a dying person* Dying person: P-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* Bored depressed suicidal person: Hmmmm ur an ambulance Dying person: *manages to get back up* Bored depressed suicidal person: Oooooohh goddddd Dying person: *in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~

    Roses are red, Inside I'm dead, I have crippling depression, Some one pls shoot my head.

    When you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they don't. You: *panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*

    The only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself.

    A made-up story starting now. So I went to school as usual. There's a school shooting. All the depressed suicidal people: *crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME A made-up story starting ending.

    In this one the friend isn't suicidal. Friend: Wanna play a game? Me: Life wait no a game has a meaning. Friend: . . . *crickets* Friend: Calls suicide hotline. Me: Wait no!!!!!

    Me: *has crippling depression* *asks mom why I was born* Mom: Hmmm I think I was drunk and on a lotta drugs. Me: Hmmm tysm *gets the rope* Mom: *making hanging puns* Me: *hurries to the trash truck*

    Me: At this point I've lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that I don't struggle with it now, I'm good at it and it's all normal.

    Hope you enjoyed.

    Flight

    • I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

    At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

    Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

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