Dont jokes
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?
"Two wongs don’t make a white."
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
I’m autistic, and I don’t approve of you guys making fun of the 75,000,000 other people.
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.