Dont jokes
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.
Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.
Sans: Kid, I will kill you.
Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why don't I poop Windex? Because I Pledge to do my doodie!
Put some Windex on it.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?
ShrOWd.
Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.
Police: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH?
Police: Ends call.
Me: Calls hospital.
Hospital: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.
Hospital: Hangs up.
Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.
Fire: No fire.
Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?
Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.
September 2020: Three makeup tutorialists, James Charles, Jeffree Star, and Tati Westbrook have gone through smoke after the controversy surrounding the three of them. Honestly, Tati and Jeffree are trash. I just don't find their content interesting, and I don't watch James Charles, but I also dislike his content.
Okay here's your funny joke!
Who is the best makeup artist?
Just because Jeffree has "Star" at the end doesn't mean he is best.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?
A clout chaser.
Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.