Don't worry jokes
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? Don't worry, he hasn't neither.
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."