Dog Jokes

Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?

It reminds him of last night.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

You’d run away too if your name was afjlkawihrs gdfn wjasidphbfvnas icxhuvbjsdlk m.nd;fuoxcghkfjckoSZ: lF,.XMAVUDOXICUGJNWLFXCMV CKLSAXHV IJADHXC;IVKSA.

Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?

Dogs get loved.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?

Tell him you don’t believe in dog.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

Dog: Woof!

Butcher: Say less.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?

And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.

The female ones are called "bitch."

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cat scan!

What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.