What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
DOE Jokes
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?
Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
Does anyone else here eat pretzels with Nutella? It tastes AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
'Cause he Neverlands.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
What kind of air does Ariana breathe?
Helium?
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
