Doctors jokes
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.
The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"
The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."
Hahaha
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!