Doctors jokes
Do no doctor start with A and A+?
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”