Doctors jokes
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!