Do jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”
Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”
The teacher faints.
Memes
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
How do emo kids complement each other?
They say, "I like ya cuts g."
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."