Do jokes
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
Memes
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.