Do jokes

Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home to do it at.

Daughter: Dad.

Dad: Yes honey?

Daughter: I'm lesbian.

Dad: Ok.

Daughter 2: Dad.

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.

Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?

Son: I do...

Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

What do a politician and a minister have in common?

Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.

What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).

The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.