Disease jokes
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?
He got gangryeen.
Gangrene+green+angry
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Question: How was Covid-19 born?
Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
Your bitch has Covid-19.
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
I have it.