So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Oh, wait.
Disease Jokes
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
