Discount jokes
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.
I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.
It gave me a discount!
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.