Discipline jokes

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!

Orphan: *sits there sadly*

Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?

Because they can't call their parents.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."

A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?

Grounded beef.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.

Me: Ok.

*Ring*

Me: Opens the door.

Oh sh*t!

Mom: Gets flip flop.