The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
Josh Dalton once ate his shoulder.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?
Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably retarded.
Joke.
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
