Disability jokes
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?
A: A creepy crawly.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?