Disability jokes

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?

A. System of a Down's syndrome.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.