Disability jokes

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.