Disability jokes

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?

A paintball.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.

I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?

He could not get up the stairs?

A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.

What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.

Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?

She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!