Disability jokes
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?
Neither did she.
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”