Dis jokes

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?

It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.

I want to di... dive! Yeah!

Titanic is like our president; it cracks in half and dies.

Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.

Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

What does Diana stand for?

Died In A Nasty Accident.

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!