Dis jokes

Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?

It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.

An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

The reason Steven Hawking died is he lost his internet connection.

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.