Difference jokes

What is the difference between a human and a magic dog? What is a human.

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?

Candy is something everybody wants.

What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?

A snake has a home to go to underground.

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?

The piranha doesn't wear makeup.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.

What's the difference between a club and a bar? I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."