Di jokes
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Memes
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Someone dies.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.
My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.