Di jokes
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
Bitches be like "Kill all men" till a black guy dies.
So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
Alyas' dad died, that's comedy. Something not funny is like BLM.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Stephen Hawking died due to the BIOS update. He shut down because the power cable got chewed.