Device jokes
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Why can't an orphan have an iPad?
They can't find the home button.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What do you call a phone that talks?
A reader in a leader.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Women say men are trash.
Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...
My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.