Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
Q: I wish my grass was emo.
A: Then it would cut itself.
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What do you call three people in a dark room? A porno.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
