Dais jokes
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
How was your day, Freshfry?
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
Memes
can't stop laughing but its soo true!
I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!
To anyone who wants to be my friend:
Hello.
Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!
Alex <3
I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.
Kids changing the channel to Annie.
Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.
TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.
Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!