daddy's

daddy's jokes

Emergency

  • "911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

    “I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

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  • Suicide

  • Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

    10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

    Tomato

  • (There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

    Baby: Wait for me!

    (Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

    (He squishes the child.)

    Father: Ketchup!

    Orphan

  • Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

    Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

    Father

  • You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

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