daddy's

daddy's jokes

Suicide

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

Tomato

23 views ·

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

Orphan

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

Balloon

594 views ·

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

Orphan

Why do orphans read BL or GL?

Cause they get to see what it’s like with a mummy or daddy.