Cut-up jokes

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

playing irl fruit ninja on my arm.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.