Covid jokes
I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end.
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
Covid-19 or Rona
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.
None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What do 9/11 and COVID-19 have in common?
I couldn't give a fuck about either.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
Question: How was Covid-19 born?
Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂