Court jokes

What are Russia's favorite netball positions?

Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.

Why is an orphan bad at tennis?

'Cause he couldn't get any love.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

What does a gorilla attorney study?

The law of the jungle.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

Why did the pillow go to court?

Because it had a pillowcase!

A skinny black person named "Treyvon Robinson" joins a pickup basketball game at the local court, trash-talking about his "superior athletic genes" while munching on a stolen bag of Skittles. The ref blows the whistle for a foul, and he argues, "That ain't fair, I'm just naturally dominant!"

But the team's coach, a burly black dude who's been eyeing him all game, grabs him by the jersey, blindfolds him with a sweaty headband, slathers lube from his gym bag all over, and pile-drives his ass courtside in a twisted BDSM slam dunk, yelling, "Now taste the rainbow, punk!"

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.

A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:

"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"

The girl, showing her arm:

"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.