Court jokes
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head.
Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?
A: Because the ball comes back.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up.
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed.
Q: Why was the shoe bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop.
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt.
Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow.
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co.
Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop ‘til they hop.
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is corn’s favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
A: It’s a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer.
Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didn’t the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field.
Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
A: Pi.
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?
Community talk
Well I’m on snowball court. WITH MY EX BOYFRIEND 😭
Pretty crazy to watch the American government collapsing in real time like this.
I wish the internet existed the way it did in the early 2000s during the Soviet union. I'd love to read message boards describing what people thought 5-10 years before the whole thing broke down.
And then the aftermath of people picking at the corpse and becoming absurdly wealthy after scooping up those state assets.
Republicans have … Read more
rapboat court case evidence thingy. (it's like ranting but structured and actually usable)