New Consumption Jokes - Page 2

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

Hi, I like food.

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.

Why do orphans don't like to eat big bags of chips? Because they're family size.

What can you do if you have a rotten piece of candy?

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

Where did my rabbit go?

*crunch*

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.

Why can't I have any chocolate ice cream for dessert? Because I made it disappear up your ass for good.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.