Consumerism jokes
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!
Why do all orphans have an iPhone X?
Because it doesn't have a home button.
Me during quarantine
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
I got a PS5 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone 14 for his birthday? Because it has no home button.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
What’s long and black?
The line at KFC.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out. ... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁