Consumerism jokes
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Abortion is not murder; it's canceling a pre-order.
There is a twist with being an orphan: every bag of chips is family sized.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
Why do orphans only buy iPhone XS?
Because it has a home button.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Why do all orphans buy an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
I know I'm valuable.
I come with a barcode.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.