I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
Gan cube prices?
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
