Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
T-Series.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
