My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Two people are sitting in a skyscraper.
P1: Hey, what wifi are you connected to? The company wifi is horrible.
P2: Airplane wifi.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
Can anyone talk with me? Bored...
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
