What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.
The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."
Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"
I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"
Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"
John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
What do you call a dog wearing a beret?
Smeargle!
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
