Chocolates jokes

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

Either way, they’ll kill your dog.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

If you think vanilla and chocolate ice cream is just light and dark mode.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.

Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?

The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.

What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?

It's chocolate chimp.

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?

The Milky Way!

Three kids one day found a magic slide. There was a sign next to it that said, "Slide down and your wish will come true." The first kid slid down and wished for a chocolate river. He landed in a chocolate river.

When the 2nd kid slid down he wished for a bunch of money. He landed in a pile of money.

Finally, the 3rd kid slid down, and he said, "WEEEE!!!!!!"

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?

Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"