Children jokes
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
Orphans: Where are my parents?
Random person: In the bed.
Bad joke: Why is it easy to bully orphans? Because what are they going to do, tell their parents?
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."