Children jokes
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"
I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
Memes
children?
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
Stop! Stop the orphan jokers!
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭
What game is for kids? Uno.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
Q) Why is Technoblade's body hard?
A) Cuz he was thinking of children on his deathbed!
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"