Childhood jokes

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

Does an orphanage have daddy issues?

Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.

Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.

Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.