Childhood jokes
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they don't have a home screen.
Why do kids like to pick on orphans?
Because they can't call their parents.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.
What is the thing that orphans miss the most?
Their parents.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.