Childhood jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
There's an upside to being an orphan; every snack they get is family size.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
Riddle me this. Riddle me that.
Why did my parents never come back?
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."