A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheel chair now were playing rocket league
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
so i got my brother a jumping castel for his birthday that bitch cried in his wheel chair
I bought my son a wheel chair for his brithday-Truns out he couldn’t get in it
I sat on a chair
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs
You move the chairs
I did this to my x I stole her wheal chair I new she would come crawling back
Put a kid in a wheel chair in a the twin towers, damn I love Hot wheels
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
