How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick...and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes. Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence to children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
How do you beat lady gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Orphan finds genie
Orphan:my first wish is to be Rich
Genie: of course
Orphan:my second wish is to be famous
Genie:done
Orphan: I wish my parents can come back Genie: I told you I can't bring people back from the dead
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.
