Cant jokes
Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they steal all of the green cards.
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they got nobody to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans play rounders?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home plate.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
Why don't booties make good drummers?
They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?
A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
He doesn’t know where home is.
What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause there is no home to run to.